


Steve's letter

by Cosmopoluce



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Civil War Team Captain America, Diary/Journal, Letters, Love Letters, M/M, Nomad Steve Rogers, Post-Civil War (Marvel), Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-12 04:26:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29879037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cosmopoluce/pseuds/Cosmopoluce
Summary: Steven regrets things, he tries to express himself through a diary he addresses to tony. Maybe he'll read it, maybe not.You can read it.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Kudos: 19





	Steve's letter

**Author's Note:**

> This is written with metaphorically my guts, it is kinda personal. Steve is my baby but Tony is babiest. And also MCU steve is an idiot but- 
> 
> I didn't control it again, but i think it gives more naturality to the letter/diary style.

03-06-21

_Tony_

_I don't know where to start today. Probably I shouldn't have used this name, but one part of me wants you to find these pages._

_It's been months. Months of hiding and running away from the government. Now we are in Glasgow, I'm freezing my ass off out here._

_Language, I know._

_Not that it does matter now, now that I barely have some comrades, companions._

_I don't blame you, you made your choices and I had to accept them._

_If only- If only_

_Today we rescued some civilians from a collapsing building, yeah exciting i know. I hope you're living better now, at least better than us. I know, I looked for this situation, you didn't ask me to disagree with you and run away from justice. I should have just turned myself in, like a real hero would have done. Like a good man would have done._

_I'm no hero._

_I'm no good man._

_The latest years and events changed me. You're not safe around me, not until I find a way to fully protect you. Yes, I won't stop doing that. Whatever happens._

_This weight is slowly dragging me down: the weight of my actions, of my choices, is turning me into what I feared at first._

_I don't regret not signing the accords, we both know they will have the power to tell us whom to kill and whom to protect, i know you don't want to give them this power. They control us, Tony, we can't allow that._

_I don't regret caring for you. Not a single bit. I will never regret being soft around you, despite what Fury warned me about all the time about having not to be vulnerable._

_I want to be vulnerable again._

_The fact is: I am most vulnerable now than ever._

_If only I_

_It sucks._

_Everything does. But I can't do more than writing and hoping and crying. Nat and Sam never see me crying. But I do._

_You're the only one who'll see me do that. If we ever meet again._

_I don't blame you if you don't want to see me again._

_It'll make easier to die._

_The days go past slowly, unless we have to move because we've been found, but usually we move during night time. Sam hates waking up at ungodly hours, he makes me think of when i used to catch you snack in the middle of your work at night._

_Now the kitchen's usually empty._

_I drink._

_In vain I drink. It seems to give some sort of relief but it doesn't. Makes me feel even more miserable. Can't even feel numb or dizzy for a second._

_Don't drink, please. Don't do that to yourself again, we both know you're the best of the two of us._

_Whenever I did something next to you I wanted to_ _be better. You make me better. You made, made me better._

_If only I didn't_

_Showers are scarce, you're lucky you're not around...not only for the smell of course. Jesus this is miserable._

_Let's just pretend i didn't write the showers part._

_If only I didn't leave. If only I fucking listened for once. Screw freedom, screw democracy, screw everything._

_For once I want to be selfish. For once I want to put first my own desires, my own...gain?_

_But it's too late anyway. Or is it?_

_Just say the word. You know I'll be there. Whenever you want, wherever you are, I'm there with you._

_My soul is always with you._

_Please forgive me, in this life or another, I wish I can meet you again and be able to get your forgiveness._

_Live a long life Tony, I hope you will read these pages after I finally achieve my last goal, I hope I can leave life behind whilst letting you know my true feelings._

_I wouldn't forgive myself if I didn't. But I am also too much of a coward, or maybe I know you shouldn't forgive me..._

_If only I told you once again how much I love you._

_Please hate me with the same passion i loved you with. That is enough._

_I love you Anthony Edward Stark, always and forever._

_Steven Grant Rogers._


End file.
